I used to have this recurring dream that I was running. I wasn't being chased and in the dream I was running at a leaisurely pace and enjoying it. I wasn't winded and I never had to stop for water. After having the dream I would wake up feeling strong. Powerful. In control. It's one of the few dreams I actually remember having and I always loved how it made me feel afterwards.
I want to be that runner. With long, sinewy arms and legs, awesome muscle tone and a killer body in my Lululemon workout skirt and matching tank. Someone who could run for miles without feeling like they were going to die at any given moment.
Why am I sharing all of this? Because I signed up to run in a 5K on Sunday and I am starting to worry about getting my ass kicked by a few thousand runners. In public.
I use the phrase "run a 5K" loosely. I can easily walk a 5K (my feet still have not forgotten the 207 Breast Cancer 3-day) but running is an entirely different story. Sure, I've trained for this event (intervals) and I will attempt to run parts of the race. How much running I actually do remains to be seen. Time and time again I've heard good things about how supportive the running community is of newbies like me. And the people who know I am doing this race have been nothing but encouraging. But that doesn't change a few simple truths.
That I am going to look like a hot mess both before, during and after the race in my ratty Walmart t-shirt and pants. Because I cannot comprehend spending $100+ for clothes that will be worn while I sweat like a pig (and that will barely fit over my boobs).
That I will probably end up being the LAST of my friends (if not the majority of the race field) to cross the finish line. Not that it's about finishing first, but anyone who tells you they are ok with finishing at the bottom of anything is lying.
That when people look at me, whether it be at the Resolution Run in Tempe on Sunday or on the treadmill at the the JCC, they may see a fat chick sweating like a pig in Walmart t-shirt who can't seem to run more than 3 minutes at a time without taking a break. What they don't see is what I've done to get to this point. And what they don't know is that I don't give a shit what they think.
I am (surprisingly) OK with all of this. Because in my head, I'm the runner in the dream.
Although I'm still mentally prepared to get my ass kicked.
I am rooting for you! And if you have to crawl over that finish line, it was all worth it. And I know we shouldn't use food as a reward, but as you're putting your feet up on Sunday afternoon, Dan needs to get you a large oreo shake from Jack-in-the-Box! There's nothing like ice cream for a job well done.
ReplyDeleteI've been reading these every day and I love what you write. You write what I am thinking! Keep it up--I'm enjoying it so much.
Michelle
Toby,
ReplyDeleteI love this! So honest- although I wouldn't expect any less from you. :) I can't wait to read your follow-up post after the race. I know you'll do great. I still have the paper race bib from my first 5K. It is one of my proudest moments. Do you ever read the Run Like a Mother blog? http://anothermotherrunner.com/. I think you might like these ladies. Good luck!