Dread

I packed my lunch.
I printed out my monthly pass.
I double-checked the meeting time.

And I am still sitting here at work with a sense of dread in the pit of my stomach.

I need to figure our how to put the past behind me, accept the failures for what they are and move on. However, to do that also means letting go of past success. No longer am I the meeting success story who managed to work the program. Instead, I feel like I am right back where I started. Which probably isn't the case, but that's how it feels.

I actually woke up this morning and debated NOT going to a meeting. But then I realized that I would hate myself even more if I did that. . . because I know that going is a choice, and it's a choice I need to make for myself, my family and my health/future.

This weekend, out of the blue, one of the girls asked why I don't go to WW anymore. She doesn't understand weight, body image or clothes being too small. She asked because I used to bring her to meetings with me. I'd drop off the dry-cleaning, stop next door and get her a bagel and go to WW. The leader would always make a fuss of her and she loved getting on the scale to see how big she was. Having that 1:1 time with her on Saturday morning was special. Perhaps that is the push and incentive I need to keep going.